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  • Writer's pictureBlaxkleric

“That Smells Good.”

Updated: Feb 1, 2022

“Halflings have been associated more closely with the culinary arts than the world of professional sport.”

"Felictations sports fans. I'm Jim Maddenberg, and welcome to another Monday Night Football special. This time round we'll be taking a quick look at one of three well-baked balls found within the plastic Greenfield Grasshuggers boxed set, as well as covering the Rusty Buckets second ‘friendly’ game of the season, against the Gravel Gut Sevens. So let’s head straight over to my fellow presenter, Thom Grassyglade…”

"Thanks Jim. This Halfling’s delicious-looking baguette was super-glued onto a 25mm circular base and undercoated using "Vallejo" Heavy Sienna. It was then shaded using some Strong Tone Quickshade by "The Army Painter", and dry-brushed with more "Vallejo" Heavy Sienna. Finally, its lettuce leaves were 'picked out' with “Vallejo” Heavy Grey and “Citadel” Biel-Tan Green. Whilst its tomatoes were treated to a combination of “Vallejo” Heavy Red and “Citadel” Crimson Carroburg.”

The Rusty Buckets kick off against the Gravel Gut Sevens

“Good stuff, Thom. Now ‘lettuce’ turn our attention to the latest game involving the amateur Dwarf club, the Rusty Buckets and their brutal battle against a formidably-sized Ogre team. Boy… Naghag Nightbane’s side really don’t seem to be making this an easy tour, even if the Gravel Gut Sevens were forced to field six Gnoblars throughout the match due to the super-expensive price-tag of the side’s Runt Punter and Blockers.

"Well things certainly seemed to be going the Dwarves' way to begin with, Jim, as their defensive combination of Linemen and Blitzers effectively stopped the incredibly dense Ogres from doing much - apart from succumbing to their own hapless Bone Head trait. Indeed, even a surprising break down one of the flanks by some unruly Gnoblar Linemen following a successful 'Throw Team-mate' play didn't initially appear to be too dangerous."

An Ogre Blocker outmuscles a Dwarf Lineman to make a hole for a Gnoblar

"Unfortunately for Nightbane's brave battlers however, an Ogre Blocker finally put his lack of intelligence to one side so as to put a particularly vulnerable dent in the Rusty Buckets' defensive line, and open up a clear path to the Dwarf End Zone for the one of the subspecies of hill-dwelling Goblins. Needless to say, the tiny, green-skinned Lineman made his way in for the Touchdown, and suddenly the visiting team were a score behind."

The Gravel Gut Sevens score to take an early(ish) lead in the match

"Still, that might not have been too much of a problem, Thom, with the Rusty Buckets bringing on star Runner, Lotgran Whitfoot, just before the kick-off. The diminutive speedster looked to have fully recovered from his previous game's injury, following the stadium's crowd getting their hands on him, and was soon in possession of the ball with the opponent's End Zone in his sights."

"Too right, Jim. The Dwarf side put on an impressive show of grim determination against their much larger opponents, and actually appeared to be holding their own, despite the Gravel Gut Sevens' star-players completely overcoming their Bone-Headedness. Sadly though, all of their bravery ultimately came to naught when Whitfoot strained a leg muscle just inches from making a game equalising score - even though the team had the opportunity to re-roll the failed Rush."

Lotgran Whitfoot pulls up injured just short of the Gravel Gut Sevens' End Zone

"To make matters worse, the short-sized 'speedster' was out for the rest of the match, and momentarily left his club-mates down a player with a group of Gnoblars heading for the ball. Only the Goblin cousins' cowardice prevented the tiny Linemen from taking possession again before the half-time whistle, as they were concerned their agility might let them down and somehow give the spiked pigskin back to their opponents."

The Rusty Buckets batter the Gravel Gut Sevens at the start of the second-half

"Things would certainly take something of a different turn in the second-half, Thom, with the Rusty Buckets offence once again fielding a full seven players, and soon getting the ball to star Blizter, Dozolir Deepgut. In fact, I can't recall a more violent series of clashes between two sides, as the heavily armoured Dwarves literally hurled themselves into the big bellies of the Gravel Gut Sevens, in an effort to breach the Ogres' defensive line."

"Of course. that doesn't mean for a second that Nightbane's team had everything go their own way, Jim. There were a couple of times when the Rusty Bucket players actually fell to the astro-granite senseless having attempted to block one of the Ogres and found their physical skills wanting. Quite a few Dwarf Linemen probably came away from this match eternally grateful for their Thick Skull trait."

Dozolir Deepgut scores a Touchdown to level the match

"True enough, Thom. Still, the Rusty Buckets did eventually manage to cajole the Gravel Gut Sevens to predominantly move aside just enough to give Dozolir Deepgut a chance to 'Rush' towards their End Zone. And unlike, Whitfoot, the Dwarf was able to make a successful score without succumbing to a Turn Over enforcing injury beforehand. The game was tied, with plenty of time left for a winning touchdown..."

"Indeed, it was, Jim, as the Ogre team once again decided to utilise their Throw Team-mate skill and lob a ball-carrying Gnoblar towards the Dwarves' End Zone. Admittedly, the throw catastrophically failed, but it still left both an opposing player and the pig-bladder well behind the Rusty Buckets' defensive line. So only a torn ligament on the final dice roll of the game prevented a slender-framed greenskin from giving the Gravel Gut Sevens a win."

Misfortune strikes as a nameless Gnoblar Lineman pulls up close to the Dwarf End Zone

"Well that disappointingly concludes this report covering the Rusty Buckets' 'friendly' against the Gravel Gut Sevens, which despite ending in a score draw was clearly once again a moral victory for the Dwarf club. In the next broadcast, we'll be covering all the action from the touring amateur club's third game, so we'll both see you then..."

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