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  • Writer's pictureBlaxkleric

“The Dwarfs’ Reputation For Flamboyant Illegality…”

“…[Is what] makes them such a big hit with the fans..”

"Hello Blood Bowl fans, and welcome to an extra-long special edition of Monday Night Football. I'm Jim Maddenberg, and alongside retired Elven Thrower Thom Grassyglade, I’ll be telling you all about Blood Bowl Sevens’ most recent signing - Dozolir Deepgut.”

“The Dwarf Blitzer has agreed to join amateur side, the Rusty Buckets, for a whopping 80,000 copper pieces, and was painted in precisely the same manner as the rest of his diminutive team-mates. This colour scheme predominantly contained the likes of “Vallejo” Heavy Sienna and Heavy Brown, some Gunmetal dry-brushing, as well as plenty of “Citadel” Agrax Earthshade and "The Army Painter" Strong Tone Quickshade.”

The Rusty Buckets kick off against the Poked Eye

“Yeah. Yeah. Now you’ve got the boring stuff out of the way Jim, let’s turn our attention over to the Rusty Buckets first ‘friendly’ game of the season, against the Poked Eye. The Dwarves really picked a tough team to face at the start of their tour, especially as the Orcs appeared to do their level best to repeatedly misinterpret or forget certain rules of the game.”

“Well the match certainly started badly for Naghag Nightbane’s side, Thom, despite the weather conditions being perfect for a game. The Rusty Buckets’ kick-off went straight out of bounds, presenting the Orcs with possession right near the line of scrimmage. And boy, when those Greenskins got close to the second edition 28mm Dwarves on the pitch, they absolutely towered over them.”

An Orc Blitzer conveniently 'forgets' to roll for Rushing & successfully reaches the Dwarf End Zone for a score

“Very true, Jim. If it wasn’t for the solid armour value of the Dwarves’ protective clothing, there could easily have been a massacre straight from the referee’s whistle. But as it was, both Deepgut and Nightbane survived their early encounters against the Orc players, with Dozolir even managing to make something of a defensive move when a Greenskin Blitzer powered past him down the wing whilst carrying the ball.”

“Perhaps unsurprisingly though, it was at this stage of the game when the Orc’s sunk as low as you can go by forgetting to roll for their Rushing and subsequently scoring a Touchdown. An utterly despicable manoeuvre by the Greenskins’ coach in what was supposed to be a sociable, non-competitive exhibition match. Boo the Poked Eye!!”

A final look at the Rusty Buckets' Runner before the game's overly-excited crowd 'murdered' him

“Boo indeed, Thom. But things then went from bad to worse for the Rusty Buckets with Lotgran Whitfoot picking up the ball during the restart, and almost immediately being bundled into the baying crowd, courtesy of a shove from one of the Orc players.”

“Needless to say, the Dwarf Runner did not appear again for some considerable time, and when his battered body was recovered, it was clear the fans’ frenzied frustrations had physically taken their toll upon him. Still I hear that Whitfoot should be medically cleared in time for the Rusty Buckets’ second game next week.”

The Second-half starts with a number of Orcs getting beaten up near the line of scrimmage

“Plus, the Rusty Buckets currently have an eight Dwarf-strong roster, so were able to weather the loss somewhat leading into the second-half… And this was when the team’s universal Block skill really came to the fore, as Nightbane lead his club into a no-holds barred, toe-to-toe battle with the Poked Eye players.”

“Absolutely, Thom. Before you could say Old World Brutality, the Orc’s Big Un was down at the feet of the Dwarf Captain following a devastating ‘Pow!’. Then, one big boot from Naghag later, and an already semi-conscious prone Black Orc was heading back to the Locker Room, with the Poked Eye being down to just six players on the pitch."

With the Orc' Big Un injured, Throfog Anvildelver heads for a Dwarf Touchdown

"Luckily, the Referee didn’t see anything either, right Thom..? And Dwarf Lineman Throfog Anvildelver was able to squeeze through the resultant gap in the Poked Eye's defensive line to make an incredible run almost half the length of the pitch to the Orcs' End Zone.”

"Too right, Jim. Almost the entire Greenskin roster went down like so many skittles during Anvildelver's sensational scoring sprint, with many an Orc player suffering from either a fall or stun, courtesy of some rock solid Dwarf blocking."

"Well that sadly concludes this report covering the Rusty Buckets' opening game, which despite ending in a score draw was clearly a moral victory for the Dwarf players. Next time round we'll be covering all the action from the touring amateur club's second match, so please tune in for that..."

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